Lesbian Life

“Originally Posted August 26, 2010”

So in my last blog, we established how I got in this life style or rather, my self realization. My wake-up stupid moment.

A friend of mine, who was a friend when I was in a heterosexual marriage and is still a friend, told me she had given the topic of homosexuality much thought.  She essentially came to the conclusion that its not a choice people make, if that was the case, she said, we would choose cancer or sickness and we all know we wouldn’t.  We also wouldn’t choose to be ridiculed.  I have always respected her opinion and beliefs especially on things of the spiritual nature.

She didn’t know it but at that time, that’s exactly what I needed to hear.  She was put back in my path after several years and coming out to her was, I’ll admit, something I guess I was avoiding.

Funny how, the people who really knew me and got me, already knew what I was struggling with, without me saying a word.

I will admit, there are more pressures involved in the lesbian life, I can’t really say I’m shocked.  It’s more like self imposed pressures.  Partly, I guess, because of how I was raised, I really don’t know.  I realize that not everyone wants to see two women holding hands or kissing.  They don’t look at it as two people in love holding hands or kissing.  Of course, it depends on the generation of the people around and the orientation.  At least, that’s what I’ve noticed.

I can also say the Northerners are a bit more tolerable than the Southerners.  I’m a Southerner, so I can say that.  The Bible belt will always be the Bible belt.  My problem with that is the refusal that God is about love and for us not to judge one another and about our relationship with Him.  People get too caught up in the throwing of stones and Hellfire and brimstone, they become blinded by hate and then, who is the real winner in that battle…..no one.

I’m not here to debate religion or spirituality, simply to express what I have experienced on my journey.

In my life, I have lost friends and family from deaths but until the last three years I never imagined I would say that I lost friends because of who I am.  I can definitely say that now.  They seemed to be ok with me as long as I was playing the straight role but when I finally came clean, boy, they scattered. I won’t say all, but a vast majority.  Funny how sexuality changes someone’s opinion of you, like you’re going to start making moves on them or something.  Maybe they secretly wish, but its not going to happen. Or maybe they think its contagious. Who knows what people think?  And I’d love to say I don’t really care, but a small part of me does.

The cool thing is, in as many so called friends that I’ve lost, I’ve gained some really great caring friends, some are straight and some are not.

Life is different but its not. I still do things I did before, only now, its with a caring and loving woman.  Imagine that.